You can't handle the FICTION!

Recently, a library in Virginia celebrated the freedom to read in a pretty cool way:



It's so easy to think of the US as being full of close-minded book-banning types, until you take a look at the history of banned literature in Australia. This country banned Gore Vidal's The City and The Pillar until 1967, a book US citizens had had access to since 1948.

Both Ulysses and Lady Chatterley's Lover were banned in Australia, the Prime Minister Robert Menzies claiming that if he didn't want his wife reading the latter, then no one should be reading it. Personally, I think it was a bit of an insult to his wife's imagination to assume she could never get the idea of taking a lover on her own.



No Bob, it must be all those dirty books she's been reading.

Generally, banning books seems like a complete waste of time. Why would anyone ban Ulysses? The raciness of this novel is completely lost on the 95% of readers who never make it past page 17.

But it's important to pay attention to censorship, particularly if you could easily imagine it isn't still going on. I'd like to know just what the government doesn't want me to be reading. I'm not necessarily going to immediately read it online out of principle, but it seems important to recognise that this process is ongoing.

It would be cool to have a special black cabinet with a lock and key in which you kept history's most banned books. Alice in Wonderland, The Satanic Verses, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Peter Rabbit, The Bible and The Koran would snuggle in there together like little fiction ideabombs, ready to detonate in your brain. Excitement!

The banning of things seems a far more theoretical exercise since the advent of the internet anyway. You can get your hands on what you please nowadays, no more passing around a frayed copy of The Tropic of Cancer in the locker room. The Peaceful Pill Handbook, a euthanasia guide still banned in Australia is available as a digital download from their website. If you want to build a bomb, you'd head to the internet, not to the library.

Other than books which supposedly incite terrorists to action, there's no list online of the most challenged books in Australia. The excellent American Library Association publishes its own list. The number one most offensive book in America today is apparently a picture book about two male penguins who hatch an egg together.



And it's a true story! But I guess some would-be censors can't handle the truth.

Thanks to Boing Boing, the library in question, The Book Show and two little gay penguins who had a dream.

Lost and found

The following post is something I wrote about a year ago and just discovered on my computer. Thought it was all right.

Those of you who know me may have heard about the manbargo. The manbargo was put in place shortly after the unscheduled events of July, and has been treating me well. It is a series of harsh sanctions against people of the penile persuasion, designed to give me a bit of a break.

I think that the time of the manbargo is coming to a close, however, because I seem to have inadvertently started stalking some handsome guy at the hospital where I work. I’m not doing it on purpose, he just keeps popping up all handsomely. Today I saw him and I had to hide behind a cake I was carrying. I have met him before, but I was wearing full scrubs and face mask at the time, so I don’t think he would recognise me.

I love scrubs. They exponentially increase handsomeness, I think it’s the cut or something. Anyway, I saw him and he was striding along in said scrubs, and I was taken off guard by said handsomeness so I hid behind my cake (black forest). This is what I was thinking:

1. I’m glad I baked such a big cake.
2. I turned 26 today. Do 26 year olds hide behind baked goods?
3. This is ridiculous. I have every right to be in this hallway. Why am I hiding? I shall peek over the cake.
4. Arrgh! Too handsome! Retreat!

Things I done seen

I get so nervous when introduced to my superiors.



Luckily I am able to work at home to avoid distractions.




My store, my... errr




Non-agalmatophiliacs can consider this your unicorn chaser.

She stirs

What's the best thing that someone who once semi-fucked you over can do to redeem themselves?

Turn up to the pub looking like a homeless person. Apparently artists don't have time to wash their hair. Or eat.

So, You're Somebody's Ex - A Guide For Beginners

At some point in everyone's life, they become somebody's ex. Ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, ex fruiterer, ex mother superior. You were important to them, and now you're not. There is only one golden rule to remember when this time comes.




Stop calling.

Chariots of warmish embers

Writers have fallen quill over tip in love with doing stupid things in their real lives to generate career-making content. Living in a cardboard box for a year, exclusively eating fast food for a year, adopting 17 African orphans for a year, you know the type of thing.

As an unabashed trend-whore, I'm jumping on the bandwagon. Well, sort of. I actually decided to run the Melbourne Marathon in January this year, and only just realised that I could probably blog about it yesterday. I guess I'm not the sharpest whore on the wagon.

I wanted to make 2008 a good year. Good years for me are where I get stuff done. The trip was my project for the first half of this year, and the race is going to tide me over until October 12th. After that, who knows? Heroin, crack - the sky's the limit!

My training officially started today, although I've been running on and off for a couple of years now. I ran 13km, it was the first of my long runs. It was the longest I've ever run in one go, and it was hard. I possibly wet my pants a bit at the end but I was sweating so much I couldn't really tell.

Just for reference, the marathon is 42km, so what I ran today was just under 1/3 of the final race. I have a feeling I may be up piss creek without an adult incontinence aid, but am otherwise maintaining my usual brand of breezy optimism. It's Day One, bitches!!

FAQ trip to Mongolia

In the interests of efficiency, here's some answers to the most frequently asked questions about my trip to Mongolia.

Mongolia, huh?

Oh my yes.

Why?

Because it's more fun to go somewhere nobody goes. Plus horse riding.

How was the food?

Great if you like boiled mutton.

Was it amazing?

Yep.

What about the riots?

They were impressive. Luckily I was a few hundred kms away, so I was not in any danger. Other than a few burnt-out museums, theatres and galleries, you'd hardly know they happened at all. The Mongolian government didn't let a few dead rioters dampen their patriotic spirit, commissioning a large-scale fireworks display almost directly over my hotel. For about 10 seconds I thought I was in a warzone. Other than that, I was just fine.

What's that brown powder you're snorting through a 10 tugrik note in many of the photos?

Snuff, apparently. Menthol flavoured. I shared some with the mayor of a small town so it must be kosher.

Where are your photos?

Here. I will put the rest up when I can be bothered. There will also be a dvd of which I might put up a snippet to demonstrate how I successfully stayed on my horse while other people *ahem* did not. You know who you are.

Who did you go with?

These people. Definitely worth a look if you like that sort of thing.