Tuesday, 24 November 2009

My Busy Day

I went to the police station today to get some copies certified.  No one was at the front desk.  There was a sign which said,
Your presence has been noted by staff and you will be attended to you as soon as possible. 
I think that would make a decent stencil with some editing.  Your presence has been noted.

When I walked home I saw a giant cicada fight off a blackbird.  The blackbird was trying to eat the cicada but the green beast was having none of it.  Three times it had it in its beak and the cicada prised its jaws open and shook its ass in the bird's face.  Finally the bird shrugged and left the bug to its sunny afternoon of triumph.  Probably a sign of the apocalypse.

Thursday, 19 November 2009

100 best moments of The Wire



Some of the best writing for tv in history of the box.

Japan - the post

Everyone goes to Japan, comes back and blogs about it.  Sigh.  They have ruined this for me.  Photos of toilets, dogs in clothes, boob cake, alleys of vending machines are all over these here intarwebs. 

I acquiesce. 

1. The best song to listen to on a long train ride from Nagasaki to Tokyo at dusk - Coney Island Baby, Lou Reed. Who knew?

2. The country Japan idolises - France.  You can't move for the dodgy croissants and berets. 

3. Most important word to learn before you go - Kawaii.  Means cute.  You will hear this a lot.

4.  It's not as expensive as you'd think - unless you like steak.

5. Always, always go down the alley.

6. If you're a professional mascot designer bring your kawaii folio and be prepared to retire on a pile of money with many beautiful ladies. 

7. If you haven't eaten an unknown pickled vegetable today, you're not really doing Japan justice.  I estimate that you could follow this rule for roughly four years.

8. Look around.  If you see more than 3 or 4 foreigners, you are not anywhere cool and therefore wasting valuable time. 

9. To avoid disappointment, have all tattoos lasered off before you try to go to an onsen (communal bath).  Apparently the rule has something to do with gangsters.

10. All other places will feel barbaric and filthy in comparison.  Be prepared.

Sunday, 27 September 2009

Warrior pose indeed

After a long break, I've decided to go back to yoga.  Got myself a book, inserted my flabby self into a stretchy outfit and made the first step along the path to enlightenment this morning. How do I feel, you ask?  I'm furious.

Most people associate yoga with a calm, cow eyed view of the world and everyone in it.  Yoga is supposed to be relaxing, rejuvenating for the mind and body.  The reality is that within a yoga session, there are triumphs, near misses, disasters and freak outs.  It's an entire life condensed into an hour and a half.  The way you react, how you approach each pose is analogous to the way you approach life. 

Right now, I'm one wonky downward dog away from opening fire on the nearest orphanage.  You should've heard the names I called my cat.  I vacillated between abject self-pity to absolute loathing of the woman in the picture who was happily carrying out One-Legged Pigeon.  She can probably do her taxes in this position, but all it inspires in me is a strong desire to murder death kill innocent bystanders. 

This is entirely normal apparently, and the only important thing is that you stubbornly persist until you reach the end of your practice for the day.  My instinct to eschew the communal yoga class was wise, however.  I am the yogic destroyer of worlds, smasher of chakras, and right now I would like nothing more than to pick up a seasoned practitioner by their fisherman's pants and toss their smug bendy body like a cabre.  Herbal tea, anyone?

Sunday, 5 October 2008

You can't handle the FICTION!

Recently, a library in Virginia celebrated the freedom to read in a pretty cool way:



It's so easy to think of the US as being full of close-minded book-banning types, until you take a look at the history of banned literature in Australia. This country banned Gore Vidal's The City and The Pillar until 1967, a book US citizens had had access to since 1948.

Both Ulysses and Lady Chatterley's Lover were banned in Australia, the Prime Minister Robert Menzies claiming that if he didn't want his wife reading the latter, then no one should be reading it. Personally, I think it was a bit of an insult to his wife's imagination to assume she could never get the idea of taking a lover on her own.



No Bob, it must be all those dirty books she's been reading.

Generally, banning books seems like a complete waste of time. Why would anyone ban Ulysses? The raciness of this novel is completely lost on the 95% of readers who never make it past page 17.

But it's important to pay attention to censorship, particularly if you could easily imagine it isn't still going on. I'd like to know just what the government doesn't want me to be reading. I'm not necessarily going to immediately read it online out of principle, but it seems important to recognise that this process is ongoing.

It would be cool to have a special black cabinet with a lock and key in which you kept history's most banned books. Alice in Wonderland, The Satanic Verses, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Peter Rabbit, The Bible and The Koran would snuggle in there together like little fiction ideabombs, ready to detonate in your brain. Excitement!

The banning of things seems a far more theoretical exercise since the advent of the internet anyway. You can get your hands on what you please nowadays, no more passing around a frayed copy of The Tropic of Cancer in the locker room. The Peaceful Pill Handbook, a euthanasia guide still banned in Australia is available as a digital download from their website. If you want to build a bomb, you'd head to the internet, not to the library.

Other than books which supposedly incite terrorists to action, there's no list online of the most challenged books in Australia. The excellent American Library Association publishes its own list. The number one most offensive book in America today is apparently a picture book about two male penguins who hatch an egg together.



And it's a true story! But I guess some would-be censors can't handle the truth.

Thanks to Boing Boing, the library in question, The Book Show and two little gay penguins who had a dream.

Friday, 26 September 2008

Lost and found

The following post is something I wrote about a year ago and just discovered on my computer. Thought it was all right.

Those of you who know me may have heard about the manbargo. The manbargo was put in place shortly after the unscheduled events of July, and has been treating me well. It is a series of harsh sanctions against people of the penile persuasion, designed to give me a bit of a break.

I think that the time of the manbargo is coming to a close, however, because I seem to have inadvertently started stalking some handsome guy at the hospital where I work. I’m not doing it on purpose, he just keeps popping up all handsomely. Today I saw him and I had to hide behind a cake I was carrying. I have met him before, but I was wearing full scrubs and face mask at the time, so I don’t think he would recognise me.

I love scrubs. They exponentially increase handsomeness, I think it’s the cut or something. Anyway, I saw him and he was striding along in said scrubs, and I was taken off guard by said handsomeness so I hid behind my cake (black forest). This is what I was thinking:

1. I’m glad I baked such a big cake.
2. I turned 26 today. Do 26 year olds hide behind baked goods?
3. This is ridiculous. I have every right to be in this hallway. Why am I hiding? I shall peek over the cake.
4. Arrgh! Too handsome! Retreat!

Sunday, 21 September 2008

Things I done seen



I get so nervous when introduced to my superiors.



Luckily I am able to work at home to avoid distractions.




My store, my... errr




Non-agalmatophiliacs can consider this your unicorn chaser.